What to Do If You Get Kicked in the Nards

Haven’t you ever seen someone get kicked in the nards? It’s not pretty. If it happens to you, follow these steps for an unfortunate but ultimately successful recovery.

The “can you have big muscles but be weak” is the title of a popular article on AskReddit. The article discusses what to do if you get kicked in the nards.

One of the disadvantages of being a male is that our reproductive organs, or nards, dangle outside of our bodies, exposed to impact. It aches when your nards are struck. Quite a bit. After a really hard strike, you may even feel ill to your stomach. 

No man, or part-canine/part-man, understands the agony of being punched in the stomach like Wolfman, a character from the 1987 film Monster Squad. 

In the illustrated advice above, Wolfman explains what to do if you are kicked in the nards in a similar way. Let’s go through these suggestions again and breakdown them: 

Rest by lying down. Simply lying down and resting should be your first line of defense. The discomfort of being struck in the testicles usually goes away in approximately 15 minutes. I recall being advised as a child to lay down on your back and pull your knees to your chest, but my study into nard-directed first aid didn’t turn up that advice. The most important thing is to relax.

Apply an ice pack to the affected area. Consider using an ice pack to minimize inflammation if your nards are still aching after the first 15-minute recovery time. You don’t want to put the cold compress straight on your nards’ skin; there should be a barrier between them. Pitfall! with your mother companion is a fun game to play.

Ibuprofen is a pain reliever. To aid with pain and inflammation, ask your mad-scientist-created, neck-bolted companion for some Advil. 

If the discomfort persists after an hour, see a doctor. Seek medical help if the discomfort does not go away within 60 minutes. Your testicles may have been injured and may need surgery to heal and preserve them. 

So there you have it. What to do if your nards get booted. If you don’t want to end up like this, don’t chase kids around when you transform into a werewolf. Also, try to stay away from Bobby Hill. 

Ted Slampyak created a fantastic artwork.


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The “why am i strong but fat” is a question that has been asked by many people. If you get kicked in the nards, then you need to eat more protein and vegetables.

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