Understanding Shyness

Shyness is a condition in which people feel uncomfortable when they are unable to act with ease or without fear. Biologically, shyness is the result of an individual feeling less safe than others around them, leading to hesitation and inhibition before speaking up.
This blog will explore the different types of shyness, how it affects us emotionally and why we may experience these feelings during certain situations in life.,
and more

Shyness is a common condition that many people experience. It can be difficult to understand how to stop being shy and quiet, but there are ways to help reduce the symptoms of shyness.

Understanding Shyness

Vintage young shy man standing outside the classroom.

You have an attraction to a girl in your political science class. You want to learn more about her, but the notion of simply saying hello makes you sick to your stomach.

You’re at the grocery store when you see a coworker pulling a cart with his children. Instead of greeting him and engaging in small chat, you steer your cart in the other way and do all you can to avoid him.

You’ve just moved to town and want to meet some new pals. You attend to your church’s men’s group, but you never arrive early and leave as soon as it’s finished so you don’t have to engage the guys in discussion.

You’re at a party and attempting to socialize. But every time you open your lips, the words that come out seem clunky, and you feel as though you’re simply making others uncomfortable. You leave the party with the impression that everyone thought you were a strange.

You’d like to meet with a local attorney for an informative interview to learn more about the legal profession. When you pick up the phone to make a call, your heart begins to race and your mind becomes blank. You hang up and put off making that call for another several months.

Do any of those scenarios ring a bell? If yes, you understand what it’s like to be timid or socially uncomfortable.

Shyness is a problem that we all face from time to time, while some people struggle with it in all social settings. While shyness is perfectly natural, if it isn’t addressed effectively, it may prevent us from establishing new friends, meeting possible love partners, progressing in our jobs, or even satisfying our fundamental requirements. Women virtually consistently find timidity among prospective romantic partners unappealing, according to studies. Shy males, according to study from the University of Wisconsin in Madison, trail behind their less shy friends when it comes to getting decent jobs, getting married, and having children. Close connections are the most significant aspect in determining a man’s long-term success and pleasure, and forming these critical links is impossible until you learn to mingle with ease and confidence.

We’ll look at why we’re shy sometimes (or always) and what we can do about it so it doesn’t hold us back from achieving our life’s objectives in this three-part series. We’ll look at the nature of shyness, including its causes and symptoms, in today’s topic. We’ll look at the incorrect assumptions and negative cognitive biases that contribute to shyness in the upcoming article. Finally, we’ll provide you some cognitive psychology-based strategies for overcoming shyness.

If you suffer from severe shyness, we hope that this series can assist you in diagnosing and overcoming the condition. Even if you don’t think of yourself as shy, but experience occasional spells of minor social awkwardness, the tips and suggestions in this series will be quite useful.


Let’s begin today by looking at the nature of shyness.

Shyness and Its Causes

Shyness’s Symptoms and Causes

Shyness refers to the feelings of unease, anxiety, uncertainty, awkwardness, and trepidation that you may have while dealing with others. People who are shy suffer from a variety of physiological and psychological ailments. Their hearts beat, their palms get clammy, and they become very heated. Because of their anxiety, they may go mute or speak very quickly. They also get into a self-centered, negative thinking pattern, believing that everyone is evaluating them and noting how sweaty or frightened they are.

Shyness is processed in the brain in the same way as any other primitive survival danger. While our lives aren’t on the line, social approval is. Being ostracized and cut off from their tribe’s protection may not have resulted in immediate death, but it may have resulted in death in the long run. Even while social rejection isn’t as dangerous to human existence as it once was, our brains nonetheless respond in the same manner. We avoid gatherings because we don’t want to face this extreme psychological tension and terror, much as we don’t want to explore a cave full of bears.

Bernardo J. Carducci, a shyness specialist, calls this dynamic “approach/avoidance conflict.” When we are confronted with a goal that has both good and negative traits, we experience approach/avoidance conflict, which makes the objective both appealing and unwanted at the same time. Simply connecting with people causes a push/pull struggle for the shy individual. They desire to socialize because: 1) we’ve evolved to be sociable, and 2) there are benefits to socializing, such as romance, professional development, or just simple enjoyment. While shy individuals want to mingle, they are often concerned about the (often imagined) dangers that come with doing so, such as social humiliation or shame, or just feeling uncomfortable. Risk frequently prevails in the mind of the shy guy in the conflict between social incentives and hazards, and he ends up avoiding social settings as much as possible.

Introversion Isn’t the Same As Shyness!

Before we go into what shyness is, let’s be clear about what it isn’t: shyness isn’t the same as introversion. Introverts are those who prefer low socially stimulating situations to the high socially stimulating environments that extroverts prefer. Introverts prefer to be alone or in small groups, yet they are not scared, worried, or afraid in social circumstances. An outgoing introvert has no qualms about phoning a repairman or asking a lady out on a date. Researchers have discovered that it is possible to be both outgoing and shy, emphasizing the idea that shyness does not equate introversion. Because of their shyness, these shy extroverts like to be around people and are stimulated by socializing, but they also feel too uneasy or apprehensive to satisfy this urge.


Because shy individuals typically exhibit similar behavior, such as staying to themselves or avoiding large social gatherings, introversion and shyness are sometimes mixed together. However, the two groups have distinct motivations: the introvert avoids the event because he prefers a lower degree of social stimulation, while the shy person avoids the event because of worry and dread.

Another reason introversion and shyness are sometimes confused is that if a person wants to be sociable but is afraid or apprehensive about doing so, they may not want to confess it and see themselves as reluctant or timid. So they convince themselves that they aren’t shy at all, but rather introverts (who exude the cool, enigmatic aura of lonely artists and loners) who like to be alone.

(PS: Being an introvert in a society that values extroversion has its own set of issues, which we’ll address in a future piece.)

Shyness and Its Prevalence

Shyness is highly widespread, maybe because the urge for a tribe is so universal and deeply established. About half of the population considers themselves shy, and 95% of people say they have been shy at some time in their life. Even super-famous public people such as Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Barbara Walters, and Al Gore have admitted to being timid. You don’t need to be concerned that anything is wrong with you because you become uneasy around others. You’re not alone, and in fact, you’re in excellent company!

Even the most outgoing individuals may suffer shyness at times. While they may be the life of the party and at comfortable with others from similar backgrounds, if they have the opportunity to meet a celebrity they admire or wish to chat with someone they find beautiful, they may find themselves stumbling or blanking while they speak. This is referred to by shyness specialists as “situational shyness,” and it affects the majority of individuals at some point in their life. Situational shyness occurs when you have no issue interacting in normal situations but become very uncomfortable when contacting someone on the phone.

Some people suffer from a chronic, generalized social anxiety that stops them from ever feeling at ease with others. According to the DSM-5 (the American Psychiatric Association’s categorization of mental illnesses), if a person’s uneasiness is significant and impacts their lives for a lengthy period of time, it might be classed as social anxiety or social phobia. However, the distinction between social anxiety and basic shyness is blurry, since many of their symptoms overlap. As a result, shyness has been labeled as a modest and sporadic kind of social anxiety. Because the symptoms and causes of shyness and social anxiety are so similar, we’ll use the words interchangeably throughout this series (insert psychology majors agitating!).

Shyness and Its Causes

While the signs of shyness may date back to our ancestors, what makes one person shyer than another?


A variety of biological, environmental, and cognitive variables contribute to shyness or social anxiety. Researchers are certain that no one is born shy; there is no such thing as a “shy gene.” With that stated, biology may incline a person to become shy or socially nervous later in life unless their early circumstances and upbringing encourage them to be less cautious.

Some temperaments are more prone to shyness than others, and up to half of our personality is genetically inherited. Babies that respond uncomfortably to novel stimuli, for example, are more likely to grow up to be timid people. Shyness may be exacerbated by neurological differences: those with brains that metabolize serotonin too fast suffer with it, since this neurotransmitter is responsible for making you feel calm, relaxed, and friendly.

Environmental variables like as your connection with your parents, your early experience of being complimented or criticized, how you learnt to deal with disappointments, if you were bullied as a kid, and the breadth of your social chances may all play a role in your shyness.

That final aspect, a lack of social chances, may explain why the number of people who self-identify as shy has risen over the last thirty years. We no longer receive the vital face-to-face social practice that our parents and grandparents had since more and more of our contact is mediated by technology and screens. We can bank, receive school assistance, and even buy for food and clothing without ever speaking to a live person.

Social engagement is a talent that may be lost. Our ability to do it becomes rusty without continual practice, and we become like social Tinmen who haven’t been oiled in a long time. When we do have to connect with someone in “meatspace,” we tend to get self-conscious about our shaky social abilities and feel like we’re floundering uncomfortably.

The way we think, especially the incorrect ideas, mistaken assumptions, and negative cognitive biases we employ to frame our social interactions, is the most important aspect in causing shyness – whether it’s occasional or persistent. When interacting with others, shy and socially anxious persons worry that they may say or do something that would shame them. This fear of shame causes shyness symptoms such as feeling hot, getting butterflies in the stomach, or speaking in a hesitant, stilted manner. This causes the shy person to have intense self-consciousness and self-awareness. They retreat inward and concentrate on their uneasiness symptoms, assuming that everyone else in the discussion is aware of them as well, while in reality, most people aren’t. This intense self-consciousness is what keeps shy and socially uncomfortable sentiments going after they’ve started.

We may not be able to change our genes or our background, but we can affect how we think. Because you can modify how you think about socializing and shyness, and because it’s the most essential component in why you experience shyness, it’s critical to know precisely what happens in your thoughts before, during, and after a social contact that makes you feel timid. You’ll be better prepared to overcome your shyness and mingle with comfort and confidence if you understand and are aware of the mechanics of “shy cognition.”


Complete the Series

Part 2: Recognize the Erroneous Thinking That Causes Your Social Anxiety Overcoming Your Shyness: A Complete Guide

Part 2: Recognize the Erroneous Thinking That Causes Your Social Anxiety Overcoming Your Shyness: A Complete Guide


Getting Rid of Social Anxiety and Shyness

Understanding, Hope, and Healing for Shyness



Watch This Video-

i feel shy when example” is a feeling that many people experience. It’s important to understand the cause of this feeling and how to deal with it.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you explain being shy?

A: Many people are shy in some situations. A shy person may be less likely to speak up in certain social settings, or hold back their opinions on sensitive topics because they do not want to make a mistake and offend the person who they are speaking with.

What is the psychology of shyness?

How do I get over being shy?

A: Being shy is a natural part of human nature. It can feel uncomfortable when you are in an unfamiliar situation or meeting new people, but its important to remember that being socially awkward doesnt have anything to do with your personality and is just something that happens sometimes for most people.

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