Types of Lousy Male Friends

Men who are bad for your mental health will be the death of you. If you’re looking to have a good relationship, these types of friends should make up less than 5% of your social circle.

The “art of manliness feminism” is a book that discusses the different types of lousy male friends. The author, Jack Donovan, argues that men need to be masculine and women need to be feminine.

Vintage man squatting in dunce cap.

Note from the editor: This is a guest post by Steve Kamb.

We’ve all met “That Guy,” and at least one of us has one in our circle of friends.

Except for one obviously uncomfortable quality, he’s the one scalawag who is typically lovely to spend out with. Although there are several types of That Guy, some of whom are considerably more despicable than others, they all have one thing in common: they often irritate their pals without realizing it.

Today, you’ll learn about the many types of That Guy, how to deal with one if you encounter one, and how to develop if you are That Guy.

Poor Sportsmanship (Crybabial Sporticus)

Vintage Yankees baseball player yelling at umpire. Characteristics: Playing against the Poor Sport in any athletic event or competition is a nightmare. He constantly complains about poor foul calls in pick-up basketball, a weekend golf match among friends results in a temporary loss of math abilities, and he will never take credit for a defeat, regardless of the circumstances. In a terrible poker loss, the cards are unlucky, the controller is defective in a video game loss, and the racquet is to blame for a poor tennis play. He can’t do anything wrong in his own view.

How to Handle That Person: Don’t allow him get away with cheating to begin with. Remind him of the six shots it took him to get out of the bunker if you know he counted poorly in golf. If you beat him in any competition, expect a barrage of expletives and excuses, but don’t add fuel to the fire. Regardless of how much you want to defend your outstanding performance or rage at him for being a crybaby, everyone around you already knows the truth: your buddy is a jerk.

If you’re That Guy, here’s how to grow: Ask a few folks about their worst poker “poor beat.” Have you had enough of whining yet? This is how you always come across to your buddies. First and foremost, quit cheating in golf – whether you shoot a 79 or a 119, your life will not be affected, and your pals are keeping track of your score whether they confess it or not. Show some sportsmanship and honesty. Take it like a man and accept loss if you lose to your pals in Halo, basketball, tennis, scrabble, bocce, cards, or whatever. At some time, everyone loses, and no one wants to hear excuses. Get it out of your system.

The Mooch is a character in the film The Mooch (Dudicus Moochalum)

Gregory peck movie star mooching money from friend. The Mooch never has money, never offers food, and never gives shelter; instead, he leeches from people around him. Imagine a real-life Cosmo Kramer. An allergic response to ambition is most likely to blame. When he’s around, the last beer in the case, the last ice cream bar in the freezer, and any leftovers in the fridge tend to vanish. A Mooch’s wallet is usually “accidentally” left at home, and he is always difficult to locate for repayment of money borrowed.


How to Handle That Person: The Mooch is typically aware of his predicament, but he is frequently too indolent to do something about it. Help him get a job if you’re feeling kind; but be cautious who you refer him to since your reputation is on the line. Now, do all you can to keep him in line until he gets work: keep track of how much money you’ve borrowed him and consider charging 10% interest each week until the debt is paid off. Don’t be scared to confront him after he finishes the last Oreo, because that’s just not cool.

If you’re That Guy, here’s how to grow: Get a job instead of being lazy (and if you have a good job, quit mooching; the only thing worse than a poor mooch is a well-off cheapskate). Second, unless you intend to replace anything, never take the last one of something that isn’t yours. Try pitching in every now and again as well – walk up with a case of beer or offer to pay for the first round of beverages. Regardless of whether you have to steal someone first, you must always return your money obligations to pals within 24 hours, no exceptions. If you already have a job but are still impoverished, look for another method to help: are you an excellent cook? Do you know anybody who works at a restaurant or a movie theater? Make up for your lack of funds in whatever way you can; your friends will appreciate it.

Mr. Unreliable (Amigus Bail’Outicum) is a fictional character created by Amigus Bail’Outicum.

Vintage man in suit sitting alone at railroad tracks.

I instructed the flake to pick me up at 7:00 p.m. Damnit!

Characteristics: No matter how many promises have been made, it’s never known whether Mr. Unreliable will truly show up. He often signs up for an engagement just to cancel at the last minute. To him, “on time” frequently translates to “at least an hour late.” It’s like pulling teeth to get Mr. Unreliable to commit to anything that needs an upfront cash commitment. Rather than declining a duty, he will provide a noncommittal response, allowing him to back out at the last minute with a weak text message justification, avoiding confrontation.

How to Deal with Mr. Unreliable: Always anticipate Mr. Unreliable to fail to show up, and then be pleasantly delighted when he does! If you’re arranging a vacation with him, make sure you have a financial commitment before putting your own money down – if he attempts to back out this time, let him do so only if he can find a substitute. It’s no longer your duty at that moment. Mr. Unreliable should, predictably, be relied upon as little as possible.

If you’re That Guy, here’s how to grow: Your buddies no longer believe you’ll show up to anything, and they’ll soon quit calling. Change that impression by constantly turning up to events! I know, it’s a new concept. Now, if you’re invited to an event you don’t want to go to, notify your pals ahead of time that you won’t be there. Finally, begin arriving on time. Arriving late on a regular basis sends the message to your friends that you value your time more than theirs. Arrive at the appropriate location and time.


The One-Upper (Betterum Than’Youicus) is a character in the game Beterum Than’Youicus.

Vintage painting of fisherman telling tall tales. The One-Upper is a persistent name-dropper of renowned people and sites, reeking of superiority and elitism. The One-Upper must always look the strongest, best, had the roughest childhood, drank the most beers, and/or met the coolest people during tale time. This is mostly due to a high feeling of insecurity, which results in a persistent desire for love and attention.

How to Deal with That Guy: As tempting as it is to urinate on the One-Upper, the best course of action is to allow him his moment of glory, which he plainly needs. “People may speak about that guy’s fascinating tale the following day,” Ben Franklin writes in his Virtuous Life Series, “but they’ll remember how much of a gentleman you are years afterwards.” Be grateful that your self-worth isn’t based on how much attention you can garner. Carry on as usual, perform excellent job, and the results will speak for themselves.

If you’re That Guy, here’s how to grow: Nobody cares how many famous people you know, how much weight you can bench, or how much better you are than everyone else at something. Start by giving other individuals a chance to shine every now and again; constantly outdoing your buddies is a certain way to irritate everyone. Instead, choose your fights and tell tales when it’s appropriate – not to gloat or show off, but just to share a terrific narrative.

The Thief (Fullofum Crapolakis)

Vintage man taking lie detector test. The Fibber has the ability to stretch the truth as far as a penny-pincher can stretch a dollar. The Fibber is notorious for telling uninteresting tales that suddenly become much more thrilling (and eventually entirely implausible), as well as making ridiculous excuses while attempting to get out of any situation. For comparable “lack of truth” attributes, the Fibber is connected to Mr. Unreliable and the Poor Sport.

How to Deal with That Guy: Take everything The Fibber says with a grain of salt, and don’t waste your time attempting to catch him in a lie – he’ll only get defensive and start spinning another web of falsehoods. Simply be grateful that you aren’t a liar and take comfort in the knowledge that others can trust you. Pull the guy aside and have a serious chat about the lying in private rather than calling him out in front of the group if the lies begin to disturb the group.

If you’re That Guy, here’s how to grow: You’re lying to yourself, your friends are lying to you, and the hole you’ve dug for yourself is only growing deeper. Rather of making up fresh tall stories and more complicated falsehoods to make up for the previous ones, simply state the truth and wait till you have a nice story to tell! Your conscience, as well as your friends, will thank you.

Other Species of That Guy That Aren’t as Well-Known

Apart from the five well-known species of That Guy described above, there are a number of others that are less well-known but no less heinous:


Fencium Sitterus (Flip Flopper) — The Flip Flopper, who lacks an opinion of his own, will change his mind depending on who he’s talking to and who he’s attempting to please. Because he lacks a backbone, he is categorized as an invertebrate.

The Loud Mouth (Pieholus Gigantum) – Whether it’s keeping a secret, chatting during a movie, or bringing down another buddy when he’s not present, this fool can’t keep his mouth quiet. Unless it has to be screamed from the rooftops, the Loud Mouth should not be trusted with any essential information.

Guy Who “Goes Too Far” (Over The’Lineicus) — This sad person takes life to its logical conclusion much too frequently. He’s the one that always gets WAY too drunk at gatherings, takes jokes too far after they’ve become unfunny, and takes offense to things that no one else would. Tact is almost non-existent.

“The Garbage Man” (In’lovum with Jesses’girlikus) — Because he lacks the abilities to go outside of his social circle and meet new people, The Garbage Man has no issue dating his friend’s ex-girlfriend. The most heinous of this species will try to date his friend’s present girlfriend, which usually ends in an asskicking.

What was your strategy for dealing with That Guy in your group? Do you want to share your success story as a rehabilitated That Guy? Let us know about your experiences in the comments section below!

When he’s not attempting to be a better man, Steve Kamb works at NerdFitness.com, where he helps normal Joes level up their lives. You may subscribe to the Nerd Fitness Rebel Army Newsletter for free or subscribe to RSS feeds for updates.



Frequently Asked Questions

Why are men so bad at friendships?

A: Men are bad at friendships because they have a natural tendency to want freedom and independence. They will often decide that other peoples opinions dont matter, which can make it hard for them to be friends with anyone outside of their close group of buddies.

What are male friendships like?

Is it normal for guys to not have friends?

A: It is not normal for guys to have a lot of friends. In fact, it can be quite difficult when youre just starting out in life and havent made a ton of connections yet.

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