In our current society, the stigma of getting married and having children at a young age is growing. The idea that one should get married later in life when they are more financially stable has become something new and normalized recently. While teenagers across America are waiting until they’re older to procreate, over two thirds of adults plan on doing so before their 30s. However, experts say this trend could negatively impact American culture as we know it because marriage rates will continue to fall if couples wait too long for kids—potentially making it harder than ever for these individuals to have families of their own later down the road.—
The “effects of getting married at young age” is a topic that has been debated for years. Some people believe that the benefits of getting married young outweigh the negatives. Read more in detail here: the effects of getting married at young age.
Kate and I celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary in May.
When we married, I was 22 and she was 24. Kate was in the midst of her master’s degree, and I was nearing the end of my undergraduate studies. We shared a tiny apartment, worked at Jamba Juice (is there anything more masculine than knowing how to make a Strawberries Wild? ), and had a vehicle and a mountain of college debt.
It’s been an unbelievable 10 years, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
However, since I married at such a young age, I’m a bit of an outlier these days. When the mother of one of my high school friends learned that I was getting married before graduation, she stared at me with dread and said, “Why?”
In today’s society, it’s become an article of religion that you should postpone marriage so you may concentrate on your education and profession first. As a result, the average age at which men and women marry has risen dramatically in the last 50 years. The median age of first marriage in 1960 was 23 for men and 20 for women; it is today 29 and 27 for men and women, respectively. “Culturally, young adults have increasingly come to see marriage as a ‘capstone’ rather than a’cornerstone’ — that is, something they do after they have all their other ducks in a row, rather than a foundation for launching into adulthood and parenthood,” according to researchers at the University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project.
Is postponing marriage, however, always the wisest option? While getting married at a young age isn’t for everyone, there are some clear advantages to doing so, which we’ll discuss today.
But before we get there, let’s take a look at one of the most common criticisms of youthful marriage: that it makes a couple more likely to divorce.
Is it True That Getting Married When You’re Young Increases Your Chances of Divorce?
Our present apprehension about marrying young, as well as the notion that delaying one’s marriage is a good idea, didn’t arise out of nowhere. According to studies, couples who marry before the age of 25 are twice as likely to divorce.
This statistic is the result of a number of things. For starters, some people who marry before they reach the age of 25 may do it with less thinking and purpose. Keep in mind that “before age 25” includes not just persons in their early twenties, but also teens who may be marrying on the spur of the moment or because an unexpected baby has arrived. In fact, once you reach the age of 25, your chances of being divorced drop by almost half.
Another important issue is the economy. Younger individuals who are just starting out in life are often faced with financial difficulties, which may place a strain on a marriage.
Finally, a young couple may have children shortly after they marry, and infants are both a source of stress and a financial drain (dem diapers!).
In summary, people who marry young have a greater likelihood of divorce, which is largely owing to the stresses of immaturity, stressed finances, and child-rearing duties.
None of these issues, however, are inflexible or insurmountable. You don’t have to get married young and on purpose, you don’t have to have kids right away, and financial issues may be dealt with maturely, even if it involves scrounging and saving for a few years.
Taking the leap early in life has its own set of advantages.
The Advantages of Getting Married When You’re Young
Researchers have discovered that getting married between the ages of 22 and 25 appears to be the sweet spot for having a successful marriage. Of course, that’s only an average, but the advantages listed below largely apply to those in their early to mid-twenties.
You’ll have less baggage (as will those you date). I was just speaking with a single 30-year-old buddy who was lamenting the dating landscape for people his age. “If a person is relatively typical, they’ve probably had approximately one semi-serious relationship per year, or every other year, since they were adolescents,” he added. When you reach your thirties, you’ve already experienced more than a decade of breakups, residual emotions for former relationships, trust concerns, and disappointments. Every person you date has a lot of baggage.”
You and your wife have less exes, old flames, comparisons, and retroactive jealousy of one other’s former relationships when you marry young. You may begin your life together with a guileless freshness that is conducive to unrestrained and enduring passion.
You’re more likely to marry someone with whom you have a strong bond. Many people put off marriage in order to shop around longer, believing that the more they search, the higher chance they’ll have of finding the perfect match for them.
However, research shows that marrying in your 20s, rather than later, increases your chances of marrying a real peer with whom you have a lot of interests. It’s logical. Couples who marry in their 20s often meet at college, a period in their lives when they are surrounded by a large number of others of similar age, background, and interests. It’s far simpler to locate a yin to your yang in the courses, groups, and extracurriculars you’re interested in than it is to filter, or swipe, through a random array of women online.
Similarly, the longer you wait to marry, the fewer excellent possible spouses are available. “Even if searching may help you discover a better companion, the pool of potential individuals shallows with time, maybe in more ways than one,” writes Dr. Meg Jay, author of The Defining Decade.
There will be more sex for you (even years after you marry). Staying single may seem to be a wonderful method to keep the good times coming sexually. Surprisingly, studies have found that married men had more and better sex than their single counterparts. Why is this the case? Even if you’ve perfected PUA methods, getting a lady to come home with you takes time and work. Instead of visiting nightclubs or hoping that the female you’re interested in on Tinder will also swipe right, married men have the Mrs. to come home to.
If you want to have a healthy married sex life in your 30s and 40s, research shows that couples who marry in their mid-twenties have more sex than couples who marry later in life. Why? The researchers are undecided. Perhaps it’s because you have more energy for sex in your twenties, and what starts off hot and heavy continues in that vein over the decades.
Your marriage is more likely to be described as happy. According to a 2010 research, couples who married between the ages of 22 and 25 were more likely than couples who married at other ages to characterize their marriage as “extremely happy.” The researchers believe that the explanation for the drop in marital happiness beyond the age of 25 is because older spouses frequently feel that they’re “settling” with a less-than-ideal marriage partner. (See the point above about how the early twenties are the optimum time to meet someone who is a solid match for you.) More sex might also have an impact.
My personal, unproven idea is that it has something to do with the condition of your mind in your early twenties. Its prefrontal cortex — the adult, disciplined, and future-planning section — has mostly matured, so you’re not as impulsive as you were in your adolescence. But, since it hasn’t totally settled yet (around the age of 26), it may still experience the strong passion, excitement, comfort with risk-taking, and real high from connecting with people that characterize one’s earlier years. It’s possible that the ideal combination of ration and emotion helps the 20-something brain to feel love in a more visceral and deeper manner, allowing young married couples to have a stronger emotional bond with their spouse than their older marrying counterparts. The brain has completed establishing up by the late twenties, and its executive center exercises more control; as a result, the passions are more tightly controlled. You’re more stable, but getting enthused about stuff, particularly relationships, requires more effort.
You develop as a team. It’s often said that joining two lives together is more difficult when each party has lived alone for a long time than when a couple begins out life together young. There’s a neurobiological explanation for the finding.
Another one-of-a-kind feature of the maturing 20-something brain is the ability to deliberately alter its pathways so that they’re prepared for future success in certain areas. Your brain overproduces synapses throughout adolescence (which lasts until your mid-20s), then organizes and prunes this excess of neural connections, removing those that aren’t in use and strengthening and stabilizing those that are, much as an arborist prunes dead branches off a tree. We lose what we don’t utilize. As a result, Jay explains: “Every day, we become what we hear, see, and do.” We don’t become what we don’t hear, see, or do on a daily basis.”
Your brain is more malleable and pliable than it will ever be again until this cognitive remodeling process is completed. If you visit your spouse every day and work on a connection with her every day, the neural pathways you’ll maintain after your brain “hardens” will be entwined with hers and inclined to promote your togetherness.
When you put off marriage, you not only become more set in your ways, but your brain becomes much more set as well. It is still possible to chisel relational “us” channels through the plethora of separate “me” trails created deep in one’s youth, but it is more difficult.
You’ll find it simpler to navigate your twenties, and you’ll be more successful in achieving your career and academic ambitions. Your twenties may be a trying period. You’re juggling school and job, trying to get your finances in order, adjusting to your new adult responsibilities, and deciding on and beginning a profession. In a handful of critical ways, having a partner by your side throughout this period may make your 20s simpler and more effective.
First and foremost, a spouse may provide invaluable support while you complete your education and begin your job. Kate edited my papers and assisted me in studying for the LSAT throughout my undergraduate years. She gave me a much-needed confidence boost throughout law school when I wasn’t offered a summer job or didn’t do well on a final test. In exchange, I functioned as a sounding board for Kate while she worked on her master’s thesis, assisted her in getting organized and planning for her first teaching position, and offered support when she became anxious throughout both endeavors. Could we have survived our twenties on our own? Sure. However, having each other’s backs made things a lot simpler.
Marriage also aids in the achievement of professional and academic objectives by giving stability and encouraging concentration. Dating and socializing take a lot of time, money, and emotional energy. You’ll be able to save money and focus your efforts on your other life objectives after you’ve discovered your partner-in-crime. According to statistics, married men in their twenties drink less and work harder than their unmarried counterparts.
That isn’t to suggest that the good times stop after you tie the knot. There’s a common misconception that getting married young would hinder you from doing fun things before turning 30, such as seeing the globe or establishing a company. On the contrary, having a partner to participate in these activities with might make them more pleasurable and manageable. As a married man, I traveled significantly more than I had as a single guy. And what could be more convenient than sharing a home with your startup’s co-founder?
It’s possible that your financial situation may improve. Many people put off marriage until they are certain in their financial situation, which is becoming more difficult in today’s environment. Financial concerns, as we’ve seen, may put a burden on young marriages. However, such problems may be met with maturity, and what may be unpleasant in the near term can be beneficial in the long run.
Marriage, according to research, may greatly enhance your financial situation. “Those who married enjoy income rises of 50 to 100 percent, and net wealth increases of approximately 400 to 600 percent,” according to Alex Roberts of the University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project. On average, continuously married families had twice the income and four times the net worth as continuously divorced and never-married households.”
While part of this advantage may be attributed to selective mating — people who make a lot of money and save a lot of money are more likely to marry and marry others who are similar to them — the majority of the benefit seems to come from marriage itself. Even after adjusting for variations in education, race, ethnicity, area unemployment, and results on a general knowledge test, research has revealed that married men earn up to $18,000 more per year than their unmarried counterparts. What makes you think marriage has this effect? As previously said, married men work harder and smarter. In addition, marriage permits partners to share their resources. Finally, and probably most crucially, marriage promotes economic responsibility and accountability since your priorities shift when you’re no longer just concerned with yourself.
“What people overlook,” adds Roberts, “is that marriage is a phenomenal wealth-building institution.” This reality creates a catch-22 that is all too common in our culture: people put off getting married until their financial situation improves, yet getting married might enhance their financial situation!
You’ll be able to have children more easily, boost their chances of being healthy, and keep up with them better. While technological advancements have enabled people to delay having children, the fact is that both men and women have a biological clock, and having children becomes more difficult and risky the longer you wait. According to the findings, children of older dads are at a higher risk for a variety of physical and mental illnesses than children of younger fathers.
It’s not only simpler to conceive when you and your wife are younger, but it’s also easier to raise your child. People constantly warned me about how exhausting children might be before I had them, but I didn’t believe them since I assumed I was in good shape and would be the exception! But I’ll be damned if newborns and toddlers aren’t completely exhausting. As a result, I’m pleased I began having children while I was in my twenties, when I had a bit more energy. I’m also relieved that I won’t be in my 70s when my grandchildren arrive!
Don’t get me wrong: I know lots of older men who are fantastic fathers. They’re in good health and have enough of energy to keep up with their kids and careers. But they’ve privately told me that they wish they were 30 and beginning a family instead of 40.
Marriage, work, and children do not have to be crammed into a few short years. Many people put off marriage and children in order to concentrate on their education and careers, only to have all of these obligations clash in their 30s, causing stress.
If you marry when you’re 30 and want to have children, you’ll have less freedom in terms of when (and how) you have them. You’ll have to start the baby-making process shortly after you tie the knot, which means you’ll have fewer child-free years with your wife, which are some of the most joyful years of a marriage. And, as you’re settling into married life and adapting to becoming a father, your job is likely to take off as well. Unsurprisingly, people who put off marriage and having children end up with more stress, according to study.
Marriage, children, and a job pursued in order enables you to fully appreciate each season.
#$&*! is the conclusion. Are you advocating for everyone to marry young?
The age of marriage is one of those things that gets people all worked up and makes them want to scream profanities. Discussing lifestyle choices seems to elicit defensiveness for whatever reason — possibly because choice has become our contemporary morality.
So, before we part ways, let me be clear: although marrying young may provide all of the advantages listed above, I’m not claiming that marrying early is always preferable than marrying later. I’m also not suggesting that if you’re unmarried and young, you should run out and put a ring on someone’s finger.
Each strategy has advantages and disadvantages, as with most things in life, and life circumstances will influence which road someone follows. The most crucial component in a great marriage is finding the appropriate partner, not age. Sometimes it comes sooner in life, and sometimes it takes a little longer. Those who discover their peanut butter to their jelly later in life may have amazingly happy relationships. The study mentioned above deals with statistical generalizations, yet there are lots of exceptions to the norm. Winston Churchill and Jimmy Stewart, for example, married their spouses at the ages of 34 and 41, and yet their marriages were among the happiest and longest-lasting in the pantheon of great men.
Rather than proving the superiority of marrying young, my goal with this article is to simply provide some reassurance to the young gentlemen out there who are in their early to mid-twenties, have already met the right person, and feel ready to marry, but are hesitant to do so because they’ve heard the constant drumbeat of “Marry young and you’ll regret it!” In reality, you shouldn’t be frightened to take the leap; according to a research that looked at marrying age and future happiness, “most people have little or nothing to gain in terms of marital success by consciously delaying marriage beyond their mid-twenties.”
To put it another way, once you’ve discovered the woman you can’t live without, you should have no reservations about choosing to spend the rest of your lives with her and going on one of life’s greatest adventures together.
Did you get married while you were young? What advantages do you believe it provided? Alternatively, if you married later in life, discuss the benefits of your choice.
The “pros and cons of getting married in your 20’s” is a blog post that discusses the benefits or not of getting married young. There are many different opinions on this topic, so it would be best to research more about it yourself before deciding whether you want to get married at a younger age. Reference: pros and cons of getting married in your 20s.
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