Sunday Firesides: Want to Solve Your Social Problems? Get Over Your Self

In a world where social media has created an online echo-chamber, it’s easy to feel disconnected. But you don’t have to be lonely if you’re willing to face yourself and change your perspective on life

The “art of manliness social skills” is a book that discusses how to solve your personal problems. It includes chapters on self-improvement, relationships, and other topics.

Shyness, or social-interaction-sabotaging discomfort, is attributed to a number of factors. Genetics, personality, environment, and a basic lack of self-assurance are all factors. However, the true source of the problem is often neglected. 

Shy people are egotistical.

That may seem harsh, yet it is literally correct.

When you’re shy, all you can think about is yourself and how you’re feeling. All you can think about is how you’re doing. Is it possible that I said anything incorrectly? Do they think I’m cool? 

The other person is something you’re not thinking about at all. What you’re not thinking about is whether or not they’re having a good time. Is he in good spirits? Does she seem to be at ease?

To be self-conscious is to be exclusively aware of oneself.

Extroverted, self-assured people face a separate, but related, difficulty.

They are not apprehensive while engaging with people, but they are not always effective in developing connections with them, in part because they forget things — tales, preferences, and birthdays — despite being reminded several times. 

“I have a terrible memory,” you’ll explain.

You, on the other hand, don’t have a terrible memory. You’re preoccupied with yourself.

Again, it seems harsh, yet it is literally true. You’re not genuinely listening to the other person, therefore you don’t hear what they’re saying. When they’re done speaking, you’re thinking about what you want to say. Whatever is going on in your life is on your mind. You don’t bother to file it away if what the other person says doesn’t appear to have anything to do with it. 

The answer to these and other challenges of human connection is the same, whether we’re timid and self-centered or confident and self-absorbed (and most of us can be both, depending on the circumstances). 

Connecting with someone else necessitates momentarily focusing a portion of the spotlight we like to aim inwardly onto them. Giving that attention to someone else, on the other hand, necessitates getting over yourself. 

 

 

The “social interaction 101” is a blog post by Tyler Cowen. In the article, Cowen discusses how to solve social problems and improve society.

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