Sunday Firesides: The Secure Base Philosophy of Parenting

Parenting is a difficult job that requires constant attention and work. How can you provide your child with the best possible care without neglecting yourself? A discussion on how to create an enduring, holistic relationship between parents and children.

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Journalist Sebastian Junger captured numerous sharp observations into the nature of martial existence while embedded on an Army outpost in one of Afghanistan’s most hazardous places, including this one on the troops’ nocturnal routine:

“At 8:00 p.m., the generator goes off, and everyone retires to their bunks; afterwards, the only guys awake are those at the guardposts.” It occurred to me at times how lovely it is to be looked after by others while you gently drift off to sleep—how similar it is to being watched over as a kid.”

What works as an emotional metaphor for what it’s like to sleep in a conflict zone can also be flipped around and used as a surprisingly fitting metaphor for effective parenting.

Since the 1960s, the amount of time moms and dads spend with their children has grown dramatically, doubling and quadrupling for mothers and fathers, respectively.

The fact that parents are spending more time with their children than ever before offers a lot of advantages. However, there comes a time when the benefits start to wane.

Many parents find parenting more difficult and less fun as they assist with every school assignment, attend every sports practice, and become their children’s constant playmates. As a result, they may have fewer children than they want and find less pleasure in their household responsibilities.

Their children, who never operate outside of their parents’ intense circle, miss out on the opportunity to develop independence and self-reliance.

Your children don’t need you to be the center of attention all of the time; all they need to know is that you’re there. Making a healthy upbringing is less about spending every minute with your children and more about creating a safe environment in which they may play, explore, and make mistakes, knowing that Mom and Dad are standing sentinel on the periphery, monitoring for danger and ready to protect them.



The “art of manliness cool uncle tricks” is a blog that discusses the idea of what is called “The Secure Base Theory.” This blog talks about how to raise children and create a secure base for them.

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