Should I Text or Call Her?

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When to start calling a girl instead of texting. There are many different factors that determine when it is appropriate to start calling a girl rather than texting her, including how long you have been talking, your relationship status and the level of intimacy in your conversations. Read more in detail here: when to start calling a girl instead of texting.

At a party, you meet a particular lady with whom you instantly connect. You acquired her phone number and parted ways at the end of the night.

It’s the following morning, and you’re thinking about her charming grin and how much you’d want to see her again. So, what are your options? Why don’t you call her? Do you want to send her a text?

It would have been simple to make contact a couple of centuries ago; you’d pay the woman a visit, leave your calling card, and wait for her to respond with a card.

The next move would have been obvious even a decade and a half ago: get the lady on the phone and ask her out. When I published one of our first articles in 2008, “Stop Hanging Out With Women and Start Dating Them,” that was undoubtedly my recommendation. For the mature guy, calling was the only acceptable course of action.

The times, however, are a-changing.

Americans’ phone use peaked around the time the story was published, and we’ve been texting more than calling ever since – by a factor of five today. Texting’s feasibility, popularity, and general sentiments have evolved as well, particularly among the younger generation. What was formerly considered impolite has now been preferred by many.

Phone calls, albeit a declining institution, are not yet extinct. The contemporary dater therefore sits on a perplexing borderland between two modes of communication (which should, by the way, be limited to these two; no asking women out on Facebook, Twitter, or other social media platforms!). Men are unclear whether they should phone or text to ask someone out on a date because of this limbo.

So, today, we’ll go through the advantages and disadvantages of both ways so you can make the best option possible.

The Benefits and Drawbacks of Texting vs. Calling

When comedian Aziz Ansari and sociologist Eric Klinenberg collaborated on a book on the complexities of modern heterosexual dating, they conducted hundreds of focus groups and interviews with people who had firsthand experience with the phenomenon. They discovered that their panelists were split on whether to ask someone out by phone or text; some believed phoning was the confident, adult way to go about it, while others thought chatting on the phone was too uncomfortable and anxiety-ridden a proposal for both sides.

This split reflects the differing viewpoints expressed in a study performed in 2013. “If you were asking someone out on a first date, which mode of communication would you most likely utilize to get in contact?” single Americans were asked. The following is a breakdown of the responses:

As you can see, there’s a significant age gap: those under 30 are 4X more likely than those over 30 to ask someone out through text message. This figure will surely climb as younger generations mature; for example, over 60% of those aged 13-17 would text someone to ask them out on a date — and not just any date, but the prom — according to a TextPlus poll.


However, you’ll observe that phoning stubbornly persists among the 20-something demographic for the time being: over a quarter of those under 30 continue to ask individuals out over the phone.

In conclusion, although texting for dates is becoming more popular, particularly among younger people, there is still no general agreement on which option to select.

It’s not a simple topic to answer since it involves not just concerns of popularity, but also appropriateness and efficacy. Each strategy has advantages and disadvantages:

Method of Inquiry Over 30 Under 30
Make a call 52% 23%
Face to Face communication 28% 37%
Message sent through text 8% 32%
E-Mail 7% 1%

The Benefits of Calling

Demonstrates bravery and maturity. Men who contacted for dates were across as more confident and daring, according to several of the women in Ansari’s focus groups. This makes perfect sense given our anthropological background; phoning is considerably more nerve-wracking and requires a lot more guts than texting, and males were meant to be the initiators and risk-takers when it came to mating and romance for thousands of years and all over the globe. So, when you call a lady and ask her out, you’re reverting to a more basic — and incredibly appealing — type of masculinity.

More personal and flattering. The fact that you are taking a chance and putting yourself out there adds to the uniqueness of the request.

This distinguishes you from the rest of the group. Because texters are plenty, phoning to ask for a date will stand out. In fact, the ladies in the focus groups discovered that those who phoned for a date were of better quality than those who texted.

Increases comfort and rapport. Women are naturally apprehensive about going out with someone they’ve simply met in passing or vaguely recall from the bar. As a result, several participants in the focus groups thought that being able to speak with their suitor over the phone helped them get a better sense of their personality, good intentions, and non-creeper-ness, and so made them more comfortable with saying yes to the date.

It strengthens your conversational muscles. Text messages enable you to carefully compose your communications, but they erode your capacity to converse spontaneously. Making calls enhances your capacity to create spontaneous conversation in general, not only for chatting easily on the phone.

The Drawbacks of Calling

It may be inconvenient. Making phone calls filled both men and women in Ansari’s focus groups with actual dread and anxiety, according to both men and women. It’s understandable: phone conversations put both parties on the spot; you have to reply in real time, and your brain sometimes spews forth blunders that you’ll later regret. And, of course, most people these days aren’t very good at phoning, so they’re much more likely to trip over themselves.

It’s possible that you’re being too direct. Because texting enables the receiver to answer at their leisure — a speed of communication that many people have become used to — a phone call may suddenly seem to be excessively invasive and pushy.


It’s easy to misinterpret rarity. Due to the rarity of phone calls, a ringing phone is typically startling and connected with an emergency or something going wrong, which is not an association a suitor wants associated with him. Calling for a date might often come off as strange or off-putting to the receiver. This also presupposes that your call will be answered, which is rare these days unless the phone number shown on the screen is a recognized contact.

Texting’s Advantages

It’s simpler and less stressful. The obvious benefit — phoning is nerve-wracking and hazardous, but texting is significantly less so and hence far simpler to accomplish.

Ensures that all parties are at ease. Not only is texting more convenient for the sender, but it is also more convenient for the receiver. Texting enables a lady to collect her thoughts and answer on her own time rather than needing to respond in real time. Texting also makes it easy for her to think of a way to politely decline you since she isn’t put on the position! On both sides, there’s a lot less pressure.

Allows for more meaningful texts to be created. You have more time to think about what you want to say and how you want to say it since you aren’t put on the spot. This allows you to express something more sincere, funny, intelligent, and so on.

The Drawbacks of Texting

More impersonal and generic. Texts are more convenient to send, thus the gesture seems less unusual and charming. A lady has no idea if you’re simply sending out a bunch of messages and seeing who responds. (You may also be phoning a group of ladies, but the nerve-wracking and intimate aspect of a phone conversation makes this unlikely.)

Shyness is a possibility. A SMS might be seen as a lack of confidence and a wish to hide behind your phone, since calling requires audacity. A lady who isn’t sure about you could think that messages don’t go far enough to assuage her fears about the guy behind the screen.

There’s a higher chance of miscommunication. Unlike face-to-face interactions, you can’t utilize body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice to communicate your meaning while texting. Even over the phone, pause and tone enable you to gauge how the listener processed what you said, allowing you to backtrack and correct yourself if they misunderstood anything. Humor, sarcasm, and specific wordings and punctuation may all be misinterpreted while texting, resulting in misunderstandings.

As you can see, there are two sides to the debate over whether you should phone or text a lady to ask her out.

Texting may be dismissed as a feeble, impersonal, new-fangled technology unfit for such conversations by the old school gentleman. I used to think that way, but I’ve come to see that both technologies have benefits and downsides, and there’s nothing intrinsically more natural or timeless than twiddling your fingers than holding a brick to your skull. Both, in different ways, fall short of the allure of face-to-face contact.


Calling wins hands out when it comes to exhibiting virile initiative and daring.

It’s a coin flip when it comes to politeness. Phone calls are more personal, but they’re also more invasive, requiring the receiver to put down their phone and have an unexpected chat. Texts are more respectful in certain aspects, enabling the receiver to answer without feeling rushed. In this way, texting your infatuation is more akin to old-fashioned calling cards than the more pretentious tradition of calling in your interest.

So, should I make a phone call or send a text message?

You may be even more perplexed now that you’ve evaluated the advantages and disadvantages of each strategy. While there are no hard and fast rules, the following suggestions may assist you in making your decision:

Call, if:

  • Your date is over 30 years old (maybe more like 35)
  • You have a warm, pleasant-sounding, and endearing voice.
  • You are self-assured while speaking on the phone.
  • Your date seems to be a traditional, throwback sort of girl who would enjoy the old-fashioned gesture.
  • You believe that conversing will put your date at ease if she is uncertain or unfamiliar with you.

Text, if:

  • Your date is under 30 years old.
  • You don’t have a really appealing voice.
  • On the phone, you’re timid and uncomfortable (but that’s something you can improve on!)
  • Your date is probably bashful and would appreciate a text message.

You may always split the difference and put the ball in her court if you’re still undecided. If she doesn’t pick up, dimes-to-donuts leave a lovely message and ask her to text or call you back. She may now choose the media she prefers to communicate with.

Finally, the ideal guideline is to do whatever it takes to persuade you to ask for that date; making a move is always preferable than making none and suffering the consequences.

Finally, the ideal guideline is to do whatever it takes to persuade you to ask for that date; making a move is always preferable than making none and suffering the consequences.


Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance



There are many reasons why she might call instead of texting. Some reasons include, if she is busy and doesn’t want to talk on the phone, or if her battery dies and she can’t text you back. Reference: she calls instead of texting.

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