If you’ve been in a relationship with a man who left you for someone else, he probably gave you a variation of “I won’t have sex with you again if you ask me to” as a lame way of telling you that he just doesn’t want to be with you any more. It makes me sad to admit, but a lot of men really do that. What can you do to stop the self-isolating from happening again?

First, stop resisting him. If you’ve always been there for him, he’ll expect that. Stop listening to his reasons and opinions about why he thinks it’s a big waste of time. He’ll also start seeing you as a lesser partner, and that will cut to the chase and make him think twice about leaving you. Tell him to leave you alone and give him space.

If he wants to have sex with you, then give it to him. Don’t let him have “just one” or “no” or “no thanks” or any other polite manner. Don’t use any kind of communication on him to break off contact. If you do this, you’re actually giving him more power over the situation and ensuring that he will go into self-isolation mode and spend all his time trying to get you back.

Cut off all communication with him for a while – at least while things are still fresh in your relationship. The more time he has without you, the more he’ll feel the pressure to “find” you again. He’ll wonder what went wrong between the two of you and wonder if you’re going to leave him again. This will only make him stay put and suffer even more. You need to give him the opportunity to miss you.

Go out with your friends and family and keep yourself busy. Go to a movie with your friends and show them some movies you’ve been meaning to watch, go shopping with friends and family and don’t let time pass you by without you spending time with your man. The more he’s without you, the more he’ll crave your presence. If you want to give him the opportunity to miss you, then you need to stop making yourself available to him.

Go through your closet (and make sure it’s well stocked). Put away the clothes that have nothing to do with you. Get rid of any clothes that remind you of him. Wash, clean and put away your items. There’s no reason for you to be in the same room as him when he’s obsessing over you.

Go on a date with your guy and break it off. Men don’t like to be on the losing end in a relationship. They want to feel that they have control over the relationship. If you are going to try and work out your relationship, you might as well do it while you’re still in it together. You can break off a relationship and start over again – why wouldn’t you want to do that?

Work on your attitude. Men can tell when a woman is self-isolating. She is cold, distant, aloof and doesn’t value her own opinion. Men pick up on this in a woman and that causes her to withdraw even further from people and situations. Work on changing your attitude towards life and your relationships, and she’ll fall back in love with you all over again.

Learn how to say no. Men rarely initiate the conversation about breakups. If you want to get your ex back, you have to ask him. Say you need space for a while or that you’ve enjoyed being friends before the relationship. Don’t push him into a corner or force him to talk about his feelings.

Let him have his space. Don’t call or text him every day. If you’ve been together a long time and he feels that the relationship is slipping away from him, he might feel pressured to commit. If you want him to start to open up to you again, you have to give him some space.

Let him know that you’re not perfect and that he’ll have to accept some mistakes in the relationship. If you’ve been together a long time and he’s realized that you may be falling out of love with him, tell him. Tell him that you understand that there are things in the relationship that you need help fixing. If he asks if you want to take things back, let him know you’re not interested. This will show him that you know how self-isolating he can become when there is pressure from the outside world.

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