Quit Being a Moma’s Boy

When you are a mom’s boy, it becomes difficult to find your own identity and be happy. The only way is to leave home and break free from the past.

The “how to stop being a mama’s boy reddit” is a blog post that has been written by someone who is tired of the fact that they are always asked what their mother wants them to do.

Quit Being a Moma’s Boy

Note from the editor: Wayne M. Levine, M.A. contributed this guest post.

If you want to get a rapid sense of how significant this essay is to your future happiness and success as a man, consider how you respond to the title.

What emotions did you experience? Were you taken aback? Did it irritate you? Did it irritate you? Are you completely perplexed? If you’re this man, you’ll need the advice below IMMEDIATELY.

Did the title pique your interest? Did it strike a chord with you for any reason? Did that bring a grin to your face? If you’re this person, you’ll be desperate for this knowledge. The difference is that taking action may be lot simpler for you.

And if it turns out that you’ve already made this brave step, it’s fantastic. You and your mother have developed a mature connection. It’s healthy for you and others around you.

Pay careful attention if you’re a decent (or not so good) young boy who wants to know what it’s like to be a genuine man in your connection with your mother—and, eventually, a true man in your relationship with a significant other. You will never be the same if you accept the counsel you are about to get. This will be a nice thing!

That Damned Little Boy

We’re having this discussion because something in your life isn’t functioning. And one area where you may observe it is in your mother-daughter connection.

You might be in your twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, or even sixties. When you’re visiting your mother or talking on the phone with her, however, you feel like that little boy who has to follow her rules, feeling compelled to argue with her, angry as hell, or terribly sad, because of how she makes you feel with her words, her “looks,” or the attitude you’re all too familiar with.

You’re nodding your head in agreement. Your stomach is constricted. You’ve grown a little suffocated in your breathing. Do you have any idea why? We’re talking about you and your suffering, after all. You’ve been aware of it for a long time. Your girlfriends, wife, pals, and children have all seen what occurs when you’re with your “mother.” What exactly is going on here?

This is where the knowledge starts. Take a deep breath in and out. You can alter what goes on between your ears, which will alter your connection with your mother and, in turn, alter your whole life as a man.

Weak vs. Strong

When you’re with your mother, or simply thinking or talking about her, and you’re angry, resentful, sad, withdrawn, irritated, quiet, withholding, obstinate, argumentative, or just numb, you’re “not in your power,” as many of us in the men’s business would say. You can tell when you’re out of your element. It’s palpable. It’s possible you’ve never labeled it. When you’re weak, trapped, paralyzed, traumatized, and in the situation, you’re not in your power. When these negative sentiments take hold, you feel weak.


What caused this to happen? You did, after all, have assistance. You learnt as a child how a guy interacts with, reacts to, and deals with women. Dad was most likely your greatest instructor, for better or worse.

A young kid learns how to flourish or survive in relationships from his parents (or other adults) regardless of his circumstances. You may have had to acquire some unusual coping techniques depending on the extent of dysfunction in your family of origin.

For example, if your father was a coward and your mother evolved into an angry, controlling “bitch” in your eyes, you know just how to “please” mommy in order to escape her anger. Alternatively, dad may have abandoned (divorced, died, abandoned, mistreated, etc.) the family when you were young, and mom passed on her aversion to males to you.

These poor youths grow up to be self-hating men as a result of their misfortune. These guys are subconsciously wary of other men and of themselves. Being males is a source of humiliation for these people. As a consequence, they hand up all control to the women in their life without even asking. One of the biggest causes to women feeling uncomfortable, insecure, and, ultimately, resentful and furious is the giving up of men’s authority. (This would be a fantastic subject for a future article.)

Giving up power is becoming someone you don’t want to be in a specific scenario. You don’t say anything. In the face of unbearable conditions, you avoid fighting. To satisfy, you lie. You deceive yourself, pretending that you aren’t upset or even horrified by your own actions.

Now let’s return to Mom.

Mama’s Little One

You are a “mama’s boy,” which should come as no surprise to you. You don’t agree with that prognosis? Do you need a second opinion? OK. You never feel like you measure up to a true guy, to be honest. There you have it, your second opinion.

Your main concern is pleasing your mother, trying not to worry her, worrying about her and how she feels, attempting to change your mother, annoying your wife with your concerns about your mother, arguing with your mother, allowing your mother’s gift of guilt to guide your choices… do I need to go on? This is really uncomfortable. Let’s get this issue over with and move on to the answer, shall we? Let’s blow this relationship up and give you the chance to be the guy, husband, and father you’ve always wanted to be and that your family need.

“Do you want to blow up?” Wayne, that seems overly aggressive and masculine. Couldn’t you express this notion in a more professional, therapeutic manner, one that respects me, my mother, and our relationship?” Mmmmm, I’ll think about it… NO! Grow a pair.

Your present “nice little boy” connection with your mother is nothing to be proud of. It has reached the end of its usefulness. You are no longer in need of it. It has to be thrown away like a depleted rocket booster. It’s hurting you, your connection with your lady, jeopardizing your ability to be a good parent, and making you a weak guy in every way. Is that clear? Let’s blow this “muthah” up, go on with our lives, and be the greatest man, husband, parent, and son we can!


Putting Your Relationship on the Brink

In the end, you’ll have a very different connection with your mother. It’ll be a mature relationship that you create on your own terms. Whatever you want it to be: loving, attentive, helpful, considerate—it will be. But it won’t be the same as the last relationship. And, as difficult as it may be for you to picture this shift in your life, I can promise you that I, as well as many of the guys I’ve counseled, have successfully made the move and survived to tell the tale. Here’s what you should do:

Make Your Own Rules

I educate guys how to identify and respect their N.U.Ts, or non-negotiable, unchangeable terms. Expect nothing to change until these requirements are met. Everything is possible with these phrases. Keep in mind that they are changes in you, your cognitive process, and your actions.

We’re not talking about influencing others, however your actions may influence others to change as well. It takes little from your mother to blow apart your little boy bond with her. This is the point at which you begin to reclaim your power.

Consider the following words (N.U.Ts):

Our talk is ended when she gets critical. (Because you won’t be having talks with your mother that you wouldn’t have with any other person.)

My new family’s requirements take precedence over my mother’s. (Because you want a happy marriage.) This isn’t to say that you can’t accommodate and care for your mother properly.)

When my mother comes to visit, my wife and I will first agree on the terms of her visit. (Because you need to keep track of whose life and home you’re in charge of.)

My mum will not be left alone with my children or permitted to drive them. (Either because you don’t trust her or because she’s lost her ability to properly care for your children or drive a vehicle.) You are entirely responsible for making this call.)

I won’t attempt to modify, correct, or quarrel with my mum any more. (Because I don’t have to be correct or work through my mother to solve my problems.) I’ll work on the things I need to improve about myself. She is in charge of her own life, choices, and development.)

Make No Public Statements

You can’t be the guy you want to be by asking for permission. So don’t even attempt it here. There’s no need to notify the media about your change of heart. There’s no need to inform your mother or anybody else, however include your wife in your preparations is great.

Take your balls and go for it. Honor your new N.U.T. as soon as possible. Nothing she says or does can genuinely stop you from becoming the guy you want to be if you’re truly being the man you want to be.

She will undoubtedly be dissatisfied with you. But, if you’re persistent, she’ll finally realize that if she wants a connection with her kid, she’ll have to adapt. This is effective. It really does. You don’t need to say anything. You just have to tell her ONCE that if she continues to do whatever it is she does that you find unacceptable, you will quit the discussion.


Obtain Assistance

As you may have guessed, this will most likely be quite challenging for you. It will irritate you. You’ll be filled with self-doubt and anxiety. You can feel bad because you’re “slowly murdering your mum.” You could believe what she claims to know about you. This is all to be anticipated. You must go through the flames. You do not, however, have to go through it alone. You’ll need assistance.

Other males should provide such support. Allow a guy, or a group of men, to keep you responsible, urge you to continue the path, and hold you accountable. Most likely, these other males will have to demolish their own mother-daughter ties in the same way.

You Must Keep This in Mind

It’s important to realize that this isn’t about blaming your mother. You already do, which is the issue. What’s being urged here is to stop criticizing her, accept her for who she is, and then relate to her as an adult who doesn’t need anything from her rather than a little child who is utterly reliant on her.

Even if your mother has died away, this might happen. You may still—and must—honor her for doing her best and accepting her for any flaws you noticed in her. Then, in your own manner, let her know that you no longer need her to mother you and that you have grown into a man. Cut the apron strings when you’re ready. Make a ritual out of it and take it seriously. Let your mother know how much you love her and how grateful you are for all she has done for you.

If you’ve always had a loving, respectful connection with your mother and have never felt anger against her, it doesn’t mean you’re not furious and don’t need to establish a new, adult relationship with her. Being angry with mom was completely inappropriate to many nice young guys, as they had learnt as children. Allow yourself the time to become fully aware of your genuine sentiments for and connection with your mother. Consider how your unspoken rage at her could be affecting your partner, wife, kid, and other female relationships.

Your life and all of your relationships will be irrevocably affected if you blow up this connection and allow yourself to have a mature, loving relationship with your mother. You’ll feel more like the guy you want to be, and you’ll be a better husband and father to your family.

I strongly advise you to put in the effort required to clarify your existing connection with your mother. You’ll find that if you have the bravery to perform this task, you have the courage to confront any obstacle in your life.

I strongly advise you to put in the effort required to clarify your existing connection with your mother. You’ll find that if you have the bravery to perform this task, you have the courage to confront any obstacle in your life.

Wayne is the author of the best-selling “Hold On to Your N.U.Ts—The Relationship Manual for Men,” a relationship specialist.

The “how to stop him from being a mommas boy” is a guide on how to quit being a momma’s boy. The article provides tips and tricks that can help the person break away from their mothers control.

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