Forgiving Men: Why You Need to Let Go

In the game of life, things happen. Maybe you messed up. You blew it big time and now your relationship is over or maybe someone else did something to hurt you. The trick is just letting go and moving on so that past mistakes don’t continue to hold back your future happiness.

The “how to forgive someone who hurt you emotionally” is a topic that many people struggle with. The article will discuss the importance of forgiveness, and how it can help you move on from your pain.

Vintage men fighting in military ship.

“I’m still waiting for a response. I inserted a torch into the remaining hole and let it fall inside. The only thing that came back was a jingling of bells. Because of the humidity in the catacombs, my heart became ill. I hurried to put a stop to my toil. I pushed the final stone into place and covered it with plaster. I reerected the ancient bone rampart against the new brickwork. No mortal has bothered them in the last half-century. Requiescat in pace!”

Edgar Allen Poe’s The Cask of Amontillado provides a chilling portrait of a man’s quest for vengeance. Montresor intends to punish his enemy, Fortunato, “with impunity” after suffering a “thousand hurts” and a cruel insult. “When vengeance overtakes its redresser, a wrong is unredressed,” Montresor argues. “It is similarly unredressed when the assailant fails to make himself felt as such by the wrongdoer.”

Montresor entices Fortunato down into the chilly, wet tunnels under the pretence of asking his opinion on a amontillado. Montresor binds Fortunato to a boulder and proceeds to wall up the enclave brick by brick, leaving the astonished and bewildered nobleman within to face a long and excruciating death. Montresor has exacted his vengeance.


One of the most prominent motifs in male literature, films, comic comics, and video games is that of righteous retribution. Revenge is typically the motivating reason behind our most popular tales, from The Count of Monte Cristo to The Punisher to Red Dead Revolver.

We have admired the strong and heroic character who sought personal vengeance for wrongs done to him or his loved ones for thousands of years. The more flawless and comprehensive his plan for vengeance is, the more tasty and magnificent the food presented becomes. We feel a sense of vicarious joy when the bad guys ultimately receive their just desserts.

It’s natural that humans get a lot of pleasure from vengeance tales. For most of our evolutionary history, vengeance served a beneficial purpose. Within tribes, vengeance guaranteed that wrongdoers were punished and discouraged future wrongdoers from doing heinous atrocities. It’s an eye for an eye. It was a crude but effective method of administering justice. And, given that males were the ones who carried out this fundamental kind of law enforcement, it’s no wonder that our brains are hard-wired to seek justice.

So, why should we try forgiveness if the urge for vengeance is so natural? Is it even masculine to forgive?

What Is Forgiveness and What Does It Mean?

I believe that as males, we frequently oppose the notion of forgiveness because it seems to be at odds with the concept of justice and because it appears to be a sign of weakness. After all, many people mistake forgiveness with absolving someone of their transgression and enabling them to get away with it. Isn’t the absence of a reasonable penalty incentivizing the individual to repeat the crime and putting us in the position of approving it? Is forgiveness for suckas, then? If you’re looking for whipped push-overs, this is the place to go.


True forgiveness, on the other hand, does not imply abandoning questions of justice. It does not rule out the possibility of justifiable rage. It shouldn’t be a get-out-of-jail-free card that you hand out to everyone at random. It’s not something you commit to just to get out of trouble. It should not include being a doormat who enables others to repeatedly injure you. It’s not the same as forgiveness, and it doesn’t imply that you’ve forgotten what occurred or that you can instantly trust someone again.

What it means is that you let go of both your resentment of the criminal and your desire to personally balance the justice balances. It’s a process in which you replace your hostility against the wrongdoer with compassion.

Do I come off as a sissy? It’s not the case. In reality, gathering the power to forgive someone may help you become more manly in a number of ways.


Demonstrates maturity

The storyline is usually put up in a very black and white style, which makes it easier to root for retribution in a movie. The hero is a good and moral person, whereas the villain is pure evil and murders the hero’s family because his heart is a black lump of coal.

Of course, the actual world isn’t often that straightforward. Children are more likely to see things in black and white.

At some time, the youngster must mature into a man. Maturity entails the capacity to put oneself in another’s shoes and see things from their point of view. It requires a mentality that comprehends the human situation and acknowledges humans as fully complicated beings with flaws, shortcomings, and a tumultuous past.

You don’t have to agree with what someone did wrong, but you should strive to comprehend it and them. Okay, so your father was a jerk, but why? Most likely because his father was a jerk to him and that’s all he knows about fatherhood.

Is your acquaintance acting in an out-of-character manner? What was going on in the world at the time? Was he behaving in this manner as a result of his recent break-up?

People may be cruel to us at times. These are possibly the most hardest crimes to deal with. Even then, the individual usually has a loose screw; something isn’t quite right upstairs.

Forgiveness may alter your whole outlook on life and people. We begin to view people as fellow travelers in this world; everyone has different scars and different talents to cope with those hurts and angers. They aren’t wicked villains out to harm you; rather, they are folks who are bumbling about, trying to do the right thing but failing horribly. It’s kind of like….you.

It entails taking personal responsibility for one’s actions and avoiding victimhood.

Being a man entails accepting personal responsibility for one’s actions. However, we often carry grudges because they serve as convenient excuses, justifications that prevent us from fully growing up. We can’t forgive our father for what he did to us because if we do, we won’t be able to use it as an excuse for our own shortcomings. We’ll have to move on and take full ownership of our lives. And it may be frightening.


When we carry a grudge, we are clinging to our victim persona. We let the acts of others to define ourselves. When we forgive, we make the decision to define ourselves.

It puts you in command.

Withholding forgiveness gives you the impression that you have the upper hand over someone. You may make them grovel with repentance by dangling reconciliation on a thread. Grudges provide the appearance of power and control. Despite this, they are unable to keep their word.

Because, strangely, the perpetrator is still the one pulling the strings on your puppet. They have an impact on your mental health. You’ve made your happiness dependent on someone else: in order for me to be happy, you need to show me X and treat me like X. Depending till the other person apologizes gives them power over us—we’re waiting on them. Don’t give them that kind of authority. When you choose to forgive, you acknowledge your autonomy and freedom of choice—no one can make you feel bad without your consent.

Allows You to Be Independent

We restrict our freedom when we retain grudges and plan vengeance. Yes, we get to keep the other person locked up and exercise control over them. But we have no idea that we’re imprisoned in jail with them, forced to perform the role of ever-vigilant warden. You may put one person in the doghouse, but there should be enough space for two. “He who desires vengeance should remember to prepare two graves,” a Chinese saying reads.

From the inside, vengeance consumes us. We hold a pile of embers in our palms that emit heat while burning our bodies. You’re not only releasing the other person when you let them go; you’re also freeing yourself, breaking free from the rotting cage and going onward.

Allows You to Advance

People seldom admit it, yet resentment and rage make us feel good—powerful, fierce, and untouchable. Having an adversary and scheming vengeance gives our lives meaning, a tent pole around which our thoughts might spin. Without an archnemesis, where would superheroes be and what would they do with their time?

However, such a goal is a dead end and a waste of our vital energy, since it consumes us and slows our development.

You might begin to discover significance in your suffering once you reach a point of forgiveness. You figure out what you’ll do differently next time and realize how the agony aided your growth and development as a man. Forgiveness may serve as a springboard for progress in life.

It needs bravery and the ability to face pain.

Blame and hatred may make you feel strong and tough, but they’re typically a front for an unwillingness to confront grief directly. A coping method is holding a grudge towards your ex-wife and thinking about how much of a she-devil she is every time she crosses your thoughts. Drinking from the well of rage on a regular basis helps to keep the agony of your divorce at bay.


We use bitterness as a coping mechanism to avoid having to grieve a loss. When we let go of our anger, we’re forced to face our suffering head-on. We must open ourselves up to the previous pain and the possibility of getting wounded again in order to forgive. And it requires bravery to do so.

Establishes a Manly Legacy

Perhaps the most manly advantage of forgiveness is how it allows you to not only break free from bitterness, but also leaves a tremendous legacy for those who follow after you. You may come from a family where men have been harming one other for generations and keeping their sentiments hidden, poisoning them from the inside.

Instead of repeating your parents’ faults with your children, forgiveness says, “The buck stops here with me.” You have the bravery to accept and experience the suffering before letting it go rather than passing it on to others. You have the ability to solder a new link in the chain of manliness and generations.

What are your thoughts? Is it masculine to forgive? Is vengeance a more manly option? Leave a comment and let us know what you think.



The “diseases caused by unforgiveness” is a condition that has been present for thousands of years. The Bible says that the reason people are sick and dying, is because they have not forgiven others.

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