There is a difference between wanting love and wanting to be alone. Love is the desire that ignites the fire of a person’s spirit, leaving behind all the darkness that might drag one down. While there may be times in our lives when we are desperate enough to grab at any object that will define us and make us feel good, when we are in love there is nothing that compares. We can feel it when we are happy and joyful or sad and lonely, and when we are alone, even for a moment, it makes us feel alive again. Wanting Love VS Wanting to Be Alone – Judith Orloff MD
If you feel a void in your life, look around at those who are in your life. Find what sparks your interest and attention. It may be the person you’re dating, the new business you’ve started, the feeling of familiarity with someone new. Notice where your mind drifts and you begin to daydream and wish for something to connect you to someone. Is this because you want to connect to the empty feeling inside yourself? Or, are you missing the connection that you would find if you were to feel your heart open wide, as it truly does in love.
The other day, I listened to an audio book of a man who’d written a book on how he survived a break-up with his girlfriend. He talked about how lonely he felt after the break up, how depressed he was, how alone he felt. He shared how he came to understand that there were some things in life that are not about to change, no matter how much we may try to make them different. We have to come to the realization that if there is a reason to love someone, then we have to accept that there is a reason to be lonely sometimes too.
If we are to find solace in anything that is outside ourselves, then we have to first identify the loneliness that we are feeling, before we can attempt to overcome it. Sometimes, this can come in the form of being alone. Many of us carry a certain amount of loneliness with us, as a natural expression of who we are. We may feel it in our everyday lives and even wish for it to lessen. This can occur when we are working or studying and just don’t have time to talk with others or just don’t feel like talking.
But, as we start to listen to other people more, we will get closer to them and maybe even laugh a little. This will help us feel a little closer to our own loneliness. This is how we start to overcome our loneliness. When we get to the point where we feel a bit jealous of others because we are missing out on their company, then we start to notice a shift in our attitude.
If we are to continue to feel this longing for connection, then we need to learn how to connect with those around us. This is not always an easy task, but if we are willing to try, then the process of becoming more lonely will be less difficult. Once we connect, we will notice that others begin to feel the same way about us. We also become part of their group of friends and will have more of a chance to feel love from them.
When we start to feel this connectedness, we will begin to attract those whom we want in our lives. We will also learn to have more hobbies, friends and activities that interest us. As we become more involved with others, the amount of loneliness felt will slowly ebb away. And this is how we start to live fulfilled lives. The more we spend time with others, the more we enjoy our relationships and the more we learn to love ourselves.
We may not always like the feelings of loneliness that others may put upon us. But, if we do not take action to resolve it, then it can make us feel worse. We should not allow others to keep us from having the life that we want, no matter how they treat us. If we ignore loneliness, then it may grow and eventually overtake us.